Wild Lifestyles

Earlier today, I read about the astonishingly hedonistic lives of male walruses:

“The males show off in the water for the females who view them from pack ice. Males compete with each other aggressively for this display-space; the winners in these fights breed with large numbers of females.” – (Wikipedia Entry for Walrus)

“Each herd of estrous females is attended by one or more large adult males. According to one study, the ratio of males to females averaged 1 to 23.” – (Seaworld.org on the Walrus’s mating)

Walrus bulls sure have it good.

Then, Dealbreaker buzzed about a Jeffrey Epstein sighting at Time Warner Center (in New York, for you non-initiates). From what I remember of the article, Mr. Epstein lives a life much more similar to the male walrus than you and I, or anyone we happen to know. He just can’t keep his hand out of the cookie jar (remind you of anyone? *cough* R. Kelly *cough*), and that’s why he’s going to jail (unless he pays the judge/jury a commensurate amount so as to keep this billionaire out of the throngs of the penal system).

Really, Jeffrey Epstein and walrus bulls have NOTHING on Porfirio Rubirosa:

Mr. Rubirosa was a Dominican diplomat, polo player and race car driver who competed in the 1950 and 1954 24 Hours of Le Mans,” in addition to a playboy who bedded starlets Marilyn Monroe, Rita Hayworth, and Ava Gardner, in addition to (oddly enough) Eva Peron, Zsa Zsa Gabor, and billionaire heiress Doris Duke (who, in the divorce, gave Porfirio half-a-million dollars, several sports cars, a 17th-century home in Paris, and a B-25 bomber). Yes, that’s right — playboy hustled a military bomber out of his ex-wife. This guy is a genius.

Rubirosa, with Zsa Zsa Gabor at Paris Orly
(click to enlarge)

Rubirosa, with Zsa Zsa Gabor at Paris Orly airport.

His next marriage to Woolworth’s heiress Barbara Hutton (previously married to actor Cary Grant) lasted only 75 days, and he managed to hustle from her the following: a coffee plantation in the Dominican Republic, another B-25 bomber, and $3.5 million in the divorce settlement. His last marriage was at age 56, to then-19-year-old French actress Odile Rodin, which lasted until his death, when he — you guessed it — crashed his Ferrari on a joyride through Paris.

James Dean — make room for Porfirio Rubirosa, our new grandmaster of hedonism.

New York Magazine – The Fantasist
Wikipedia – Porfirio Rubirosa
The New York Times – A Jet-Set Don Juan, Right Up to the Final Exit
Wikipedia – Barbara Hutton
Wikipedia – Doris Duke
Are Walruses Efficient? – Long or Short Capital