Mile-High Mania

I’ve often heard that the inflatable exit slides and oxygen masks on airline flights are useless in any real emergency, and are really there just to reassure us. After all, in the event of a water landing, everyone would be dead before they’d have the chance to use the exit slide.

I’ve never thought about the dual-use of oxygen masks in the event of an onboard emergency: the masks help to maintain order. A contraption covering everyone’s mouth ensures that nobody will talk; thus anarchy and fear are suppressed because creating chaos requires communication. Who knew that instead of serving oxygen, they’re really there to shut you up?

Earlier today, a Continental flight from Houston to Washington, D.C. demonstrated this theory flawlessly:

“Continental Airline’s personnel and staff were exceptional; executing what seemed to me a textbook performance in emergency procedure. I was very impressed,” [Congressman Nick] Lampson said in a release.

[…] the flight was about an hour late leaving Houston because of mechanical difficulties with an engine. Things went downhill from there not long after taking off from Bush Intercontinental Airport.

“Suddenly, we started to descend more rapidly than normal and the oxygen masks came out,” Poe said. The pilots told everyone to fasten their seatbelts.

“There wasn’t any talk because a lot of people had their oxygen masks on,” according to US Rep. Ted Poe. “Everyone seemed to be quite calm.”

It’s amazing that little mask with instructions can keep people so calm in chaotic circumstances. What will they think of next?

Flight carrying members of Congress makes emergency landing