Thanks, Jenny!

I’m seeing this the day it comes out.

Via My Own God.

This shit is so hipster, I ****ing had to post it.

Thanks, Xaphoon Jones!

Via Brittany Bohnet.

Chris Brown, hosting classy dinner party: “Ha ha, smashing, Reginald. I, too, enjoy delicious foie gras. But if it’s not served at the proper temperature, I get so angry I just want to punch an exquisite armoire until it shuts it’s skank mouth and admits my sneakers are fly. YOU FUCKING HEAR ME, ARMOIRE?! MY SNEAKS ARE PIMP AS FUCK. I’LL FUCKING KILL YOU!

Sherry, anyone?”

Republished from the hilarious folks over at TheSuperficial.com:

Chris Brown hosts dinner parties now – The Superficial

Wow, I didn’t know they made crimson hip-waders.

Thanks, Andy!

Cameron: You’re a Sounders fan?
Mary Kay: YES! HUGE fan!
Cameron: Please tell me you drink copious amounts before/during/after sounders fc matches.
Mary Kay: of course…this is footy we are talking about
Cameron: I like you just *that* much more now.
Mary Kay: what, footy or drinking lots of alcohol
Cameron: Drinking.
I’m a big fan of drinking for a reason–like to celebrate being at a game or a ballet.
I had like, umm, five free beers last night at Key Arena because SeattleU was destroying UCDavis and their sports department was feeling generous.
Had I not had any plans, I wouldn’t have drank a drop.
So I like to have plans. Something to celebrate.
Mary Kay: Go Chieftains! Oops…I mean Redhawks
They’ll always be the Chieftains to me
Cameron: I’m glad you call them by their real name.
Mary Kay: I was a Jammin’ Jesuit
Cameron: hence the affinity to alcohol
Mary Kay: pretty much. we always had Fr. Pat tappin the keg at parties
Cameron: I have Fr. Pat on speed dial

Cameron: ummmm where the hell was amanda during the SU Basketball game last night?
Jennifer: shes in vegas with daniela hawking their mother’s designer pantyhose collection at some convention
Cameron: umm right.
…because that makes so much sense.
Jennifer: seriously.
Cameron: umm where was my invite?
wtf
Jennifer: haha
i dunno
i didnt get invited either

And you thought Taipei 101 was imposing! Just look at what’s on the menu!:

Katherine: Did your drunk, British alter-ego Mr. Hewitt make an appearance tonight?
Cameron: No, sadly. He usually only appears on Friday and Saturday nights–unless it is Mardi Gras or some other such celebration
Katherine: So President’s Day isn’t an official holiday?
Cameron: No, it’s not a British bank holiday.
Katherine: …it would be odd if the British celebrated President’s day.
Cameron: Yes. But we’ve made some improvements and now celebrate Guy Fawkes Day! Fuck the President, some bloke tried to blow up Parliament! Everybody get wasted!
Katherine: That seems like it’d be a more exciting day of celebration than that of President’s Day.
Cameron: That’s why the English are a century ahead of you barbarians, what with your Super Bowls and your Jersey Shores. I mean, how can a Bowl be ’super’, anyway?! You just use the blasted thing to store your Weetabix while you eat it, for ****’s sake!
Katherine: It would be interesting to see England’s equivalent to Jersey Shore.
Cameron: They’re called Essex Girls.
Look them up, they’re really quite classy.
They’ve been ****ed more times than they’ve had hot meals. Essex Girls make Jersey Shore castmembers look like Cambridge sophisticates, in comparison. It’s a tragedy, really.
Katherine: Wow. Didn’t know such a task was possible. But no matter what comes out of England they shall always remain great for they gave us the original Office.
Cameron: This is true. Anything the English do is patently superior to what the Yanks have come up with. We did invent James Bond, you know.

Is there anything more romantic than Cougar hunting on Valentine’s Day?: