USA 1, World 0.

RAGE!

Wow, I didn’t know they made crimson hip-waders.

Jammin’ Jesuits

Cameron: You’re a Sounders fan?
Mary Kay: YES! HUGE fan!
Cameron: Please tell me you drink copious amounts before/during/after sounders fc matches.
Mary Kay: of course…this is footy we are talking about
Cameron: I like you just *that* much more now.
Mary Kay: what, footy or drinking lots of alcohol
Cameron: Drinking.
I’m a big fan of drinking for a reason–like to celebrate being at a game or a ballet.
I had like, umm, five free beers last night at Key Arena because SeattleU was destroying UCDavis and their sports department was feeling generous.
Had I not had any plans, I wouldn’t have drank a drop.
So I like to have plans. Something to celebrate.
Mary Kay: Go Chieftains! Oops…I mean Redhawks
They’ll always be the Chieftains to me
Cameron: I’m glad you call them by their real name.
Mary Kay: I was a Jammin’ Jesuit
Cameron: hence the affinity to alcohol
Mary Kay: pretty much. we always had Fr. Pat tappin the keg at parties
Cameron: I have Fr. Pat on speed dial

Oh, THAT convention. It all makes sense now.

Cameron: ummmm where the hell was amanda during the SU Basketball game last night?
Jennifer: shes in vegas with daniela hawking their mother’s designer pantyhose collection at some convention
Cameron: umm right.
…because that makes so much sense.
Jennifer: seriously.
Cameron: umm where was my invite?
wtf
Jennifer: haha
i dunno
i didnt get invited either

Being Productive at Work

Cameron: So look B, I’ve got to get back to work
I know you don’t have any work do to, bc you just sit at your desk and cruise facebook every day
looking at my profile photo(s)
Barbie: Whatev, Cameron. Whatev….
I’ve got to get back to work too
…Back to cooking up crack and counterfeiting for me!
Cameron: slash dreaming about me shirtless.
I know what you really do when you’re at work
Barbie: OMG
Well, until next time then, Mr. Newland.
Cameron: Sweet dreams, and don’t forget to tell me how it was!

The Taiwanese Eat Labradors!

And you thought Taipei 101 was imposing! Just look at what’s on the menu!:

British Superiority, Explained

Katherine: Did your drunk, British alter-ego Mr. Hewitt make an appearance tonight?
Cameron: No, sadly. He usually only appears on Friday and Saturday nights–unless it is Mardi Gras or some other such celebration
Katherine: So President’s Day isn’t an official holiday?
Cameron: No, it’s not a British bank holiday.
Katherine: …it would be odd if the British celebrated President’s day.
Cameron: Yes. But we’ve made some improvements and now celebrate Guy Fawkes Day! Fuck the President, some bloke tried to blow up Parliament! Everybody get wasted!
Katherine: That seems like it’d be a more exciting day of celebration than that of President’s Day.
Cameron: That’s why the English are a century ahead of you barbarians, what with your Super Bowls and your Jersey Shores. I mean, how can a Bowl be ‘super’, anyway?! You just use the blasted thing to store your Weetabix while you eat it, for ****’s sake!
Katherine: It would be interesting to see England’s equivalent to Jersey Shore.
Cameron: They’re called Essex Girls.
Look them up, they’re really quite classy.
They’ve been ****ed more times than they’ve had hot meals. Essex Girls make Jersey Shore castmembers look like Cambridge sophisticates, in comparison. It’s a tragedy, really.
Katherine: Wow. Didn’t know such a task was possible. But no matter what comes out of England they shall always remain great for they gave us the original Office.
Cameron: This is true. Anything the English do is patently superior to what the Yanks have come up with. We did invent James Bond, you know.

Hunting Season

Is there anything more romantic than Cougar hunting on Valentine’s Day?:

Valentines Day GChat Romance

Cameron: hey beauty
JewelOfPersia: well hello
Cameron: I had a dream about you last night.
JewelOfPersia: hahaha
suuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuure you did
Cameron: I did!
JewelOfPersia: was i a hot chick in a hijab?
Cameron: no, you were just a flawless persian beauty, like always
JewelOfPersia: awww! so how was the ballet last night?
Cameron: AMAZING NIGHT!!!1!ONE!!
twitter.com/c4mer0n/status/9062014968 – (click to read my Tweet, it is necessary for contextual understanding)
JewelOfPersia: oh goodness. you woke up in a LOBBY?
Cameron: Yes. Classy.
JewelOfPersia: Of course!–this is You we’re talking about here.
dear, i have to get going
need to get ready for my amazing plans tonight
so romantic
dont’ be jels
…
and by romantic, i mean seeing avatar with my sister and her husband.
JewelOfPersia is offline.

Happy Valentines Day, my Jewel of Persia! You know who you are.

Introducing Mr. Barrington Hewitt

(Written on the wall of a new acquaintance who met me while I was under the spell of spirits):

For those of you who haven’t had the chance to meet my distinguished British alter-ego, Mr. Barrington Hewitt of Ealing (London), all it takes is buying me a few drinks and surely you will not have to wait long to meet him.

Flaky

F: I’ve invited her over to my parties before.
C: She prolly flaked out huh
F: Ya she pulled a croissant on me
C: Honestly that girl is such a flake
F: Yup. A hot flake tho
C: I want to put her on ADHD meds
F: or Roofies
C: Or both, so she actually SHOWS UP to get roofied in the first place!

(For the record, I do not think that Rohypnol ["roofies"] or date rape are funny at all when it comes to reality. Joking about ‘em, sure!)

Ninja-Style Eviction

Cameron: o hai
Becca: oh heyyyyy
I just got back from a run
and I was stretching on our porch
and I saw an eviction notice
for the people who live in the basement
Cameron: lolololol
now I can move in!
Becca: which makes me really happy
except they’re never going to see it
because I am too scared to give it to them
even though I am currently dressed like a ninja
truth.

Antivax, Autism, and Causal Mis-attribution

from: Cameron Newland
to: Sheryl
subject: Antivax

‘Lancet’ Retracts Autism Paper—Citing the study’s bad methodology, the British medical journal The Lancet retracted a 1998 paper that linked autism with the measles-mumps-rubella vaccine.

from: Sheryl
to: Cameron Newland
subject: Re: Antivax

the connection still exists. i know too many people who swear by it.
i wish they would look into it more. i don’t think they are doing enough research!

from: Cameron Newland
to: Sheryl
subject: Re: Antivax

No, there is no connection (well, at least, a connection that is fact-based and backed up by a statistically-significant correlation).

The error you’re making is that you know people (like me, my sister Shelby, and your friends’ children) who weren’t vaccinated, and who aren’t Autistic, so you irrationally assume (and extrapolate) that ALL unvaccinated people do not develop autism. Your sample size is too small and your methods too primitive to output a finding or conclusion of any reasonable scientific merit.

The converse of this error is also very easy to make: because the vast majority of American children ARE vaccinated, and SOME go on to develop autism (whether caused by the vaccine or not), parents mistakenly attribute a cause (the vaccine) to the development of autism, even when large bodies of data suggest there is no link/causal relationship between vaccines and autism.

The antivaxxers’ mistaken crusade reminds me very much of the way people used to attribute famines and plagues to witches, sorcerers, and evil gods many years ago. They had no reasonable evidence to suggest that witches, sorcerers, and evil gods had any involvement in their new-found misfortunes, but the simple fact that a plague or famine came upon them (or that children developed autism, in your case) was evidence enough that some evil spirit brought the pestilence upon them. Those primitive plague sufferers never gave a thought to the possibility of diseased rats and fleas as the culprit (which we now know was the cause), just as you don’t give any weight to the possibility that autism has been and will be ever-present, whether we commonly administer vaccines’ or not.

Anyways, more study of the relationship (or lack of such a relationship) between autism and vaccines wouldn’t be a bad thing. Hopefully, it’ll further cement the relegation of the antivax conspiracy to that of Old Wives Tale, where I believe it rightfully belongs.

Note: causal mis-attribution is more commonly known as Questionable Cause, and the antivax conspiracy theory is, I believe, a shining example of a Regression fallacy (“ascribing cause where none exists,” due to “failing to account for natural fluctuations [or normal incidence]).”

The Benefits of Secrecy and Crony Capitalism

Prolific blogger Om Malik posted this provocative, loaded question for his readers to answer:

Does anyone else feel that World Economic Forum in Davos is elitist, all talk, no action, and a perfect representation of crony capitalism? The off the record nature of conversations only bolsters my argument. Talk away folks.

My response:

The older I get, the more I realize the value of conversations conducted in secret. One doesn’t have to worry about the oversensitive media creating an overblown polemic over some logical, agreeable, yet also out-of-context and outwardly controversial statement (Ex. Harry Reid’s observant remark that Barack Obama became the country’s first black president because he had “no Negro dialect.”)

Likewise, Obama’s meeting with House Republicans this week in Baltimore should’ve been (and indeed was initially planned to be) conducted in secret in order to foster dialogue, but was opened to the media as a result of secret meetings’ perceived incompatibility with Obama’s pledge to be the most transparent administration ever.

It just goes to show that even seemingly universally-positive values like transparency can become negative as you approach their extremes (liberalism, socialism, libertarianism, and conservatism are also examples of ideologies that become dysfunctional, regressive, and destructive as you approach implementations of their extremes).

Anyways, getting back to Davos, you are exactly right to call them elitists. Davos is where elitists feel comfortable amongst their brethren. And you’re also correct in your characterization of Davos as “all talk … no action.” Davos is basically a week-long press conference for elitists to trumpet their ideas and pat themselves on the back, coupled with receptions and parties, networking, and a little skiing. Little is actually accomplished AT Davos. However, the value of Davos can be seen in two key ways:

1) its benefit of expanded dialogue between business/political/cultural leaders,

and 2) the inception of many relationships between the elitist attendees that flower into real-life business relationships, which “greases the wheels of capitalism,” by the creation of useful partnerships.

I write this on a BlackBerry engineered in Canada and built in China, inside a centi-million dollar condominium building financed by major transnational banks. The existence of these two simple things (a cellphone and a condo building) are shining examples of the benefit to society that comes from cross-border business relationships–some of them made at places like Davos. So complain all you like, but the truth is that you likely benefit greatly from the World Economic Forum in Davos, whether you recognize it or not.

(I should note that I am not advocating corrupt crony capitalism between business and government. Rather, I’ve tried to illustrate my belief that elitists hosting a meeting like this and fostering incestuous business relationships is not in any way negative, nor should pejorative words like crony capitalism be used to describe the WEF.)

Cameron 1, Fundamentalist Christian 0.

I found myself a participant in the following conversation earlier today and thought I should share it. It has shown me that there really are quite a few people out there who have odd beliefs and no evidence to support them. When I think of religious fundamentalism (perhaps extremism is a more fitting word) I often think of Saudi Arabia, Yemen, and Pakistan’s tribal areas, but rarely do I ever think that religious extremists are right here in my fair city, hiding in plain sight.

Cameron Newland: Fear yourself, for if you believe these quotes to be true, you are weak; you have lost faith in yourself as an agent of your own destiny.

Cathy B: I will definitely fear myself the day I start thinking Im the agent:-). I am however in control of my attitude which is a great thing!!

Cameron Newland: Don’t worry–you’ve lost your reasoning faculties already, Ms. Browning. This kind of understanding of reality is not something your brain allows you to do. Don’t be sad…god, in his infinite wisdom, created people with different capabilities (or in your case, handicaps) such that you don’t even comprehend the intellectual cop-out (that of humans having no control over their destiny) that you’re perpetuating.

Jessica R: Cameron -To each his own. That said, would much appreciate you keeping your opinions and diatribes on your blog or your own page, if you don’t have anything nice to say.

Cameron Newland: Jessica – I don’t find anything pejorative in anything I wrote. If you think being mentally handicapped is pejorative, I would question your compassion for those who were born with any disability.

And Jessica, why would I think to keep my (well reasoned) opinions to myself? I’m shocked that you would say such a thing during the week that began (well, Monday) with Martin Luther King, Jr. Day. MLK stood up for what was right and what he believed in. What if MLK had “[kept] his opinions and diatribes [to himself],” as you’ve suggested I do? If he followed your advice, we might live in a much more cruel world, one with institutionalized segregation. I advise you, Jessica, not to dig yourself deeper in this hole of absurdity that you’ve dug.

Cathy B: Im saying that I dont believe Gods words AKA scripture…to be false. You are right if you mean that my great attitude can bring me to amazing places Id never imagined Id be! I LOVE the places God has walked me through and my attitude, strength and determination has gotten me there as well:-)). Sooo not quite sure what that long response of yours meant…you clearly don’t see that I recognize the decisions I make and goals i set will take me to different places…..I know though that there are things Im not in control of BUT that’s great that you control your destiny….no need for you to mock me by calling me Ms Browning….you never know…..we might actually find eachother to be great ppl that just think differently if we ever crossed paths. I respect you are entitled to your beliefs as am I Cameron:-)) I hope your having a great evening….really!

Oh and Jess….I just wanna make sure you know Im in no way sad:-)) Lifes good and I love the ride…..its way to short to not enjoy! goodnight all!

Cameron Newland: Dear Cathy – after reading your reply, it seems you’ve come around (or perhaps we were more in agreement than we originally thought)! Like you, I believe that I am not in absolute control of my destiny, but that I do have control over my choices and the way I think, and this empowers me and I am grateful for it.

By your replies regarding the biblical citation, I was under the impression that you took a much sillier view; that you believed that we are but powerless puppets whose every action is controlled by an omnipotent spirit somewhere! I’m glad we cleared that up and that you don’t believe such a silly thing!

Why would you think I was mocking you by calling you ‘Ms. Browning’? I thought it only proper, as we have yet to be introduced.

Anyways, I AM having a fantastic night (I’m smiling as I write this), and I wish you only the best today and far into the future!

Cathy B: For the record….I dont view my strong faith and belief in the Bible as silly at all. Im real enough to know that we obviously have different viewpoints on this. Its alright because its neither the first nor the last time this will happen in my life where Ill cross paths with all types of people. And yes….what an amazing thing Martin Luther King Jr spoke for…..I was honored to perform in front of about 5,000 men, women and children who were honoring him this last Monday! His words spoke loudly on his faith in God and you still respect him Soooo lets just leave this as we are two people who think a bit differently in areas! doesn’t mean were handicapped or incompetent…….Im sure your great at the things you do in life Cameron and I assure you Id be in no place to serve the community I do at work in the way I do if I was as incompetent as you originally thought I was….Cathy is my name…and its been an odd pleasure meeting you Cameron:-)

Cameron Newland: Cathy – please clarify something for me…are you a fundamentalist Christian? Perhaps a better way to word it is “do you believe that every word in the bible is fact, that it is the word of god, and that nature was created in only six days?”

If you answer yes to either of those questions, then I think you can understand why I would call such thinking silly and a sign of someone who certainly has a mental handicap or psychosis.

Luckily, there are not very many among us who call themselves fundamentalists. Those silly people–people who blow up airliners in a delusion that they’ll be sent to heaven, those who believe unfathomable things like the primitive biblical creation myth–are vastly outnumbered by moderate Christians who selectively believe in (or don’t believe in) parts of the bible as modernity shines light on the patently ridiculous/inaccurate sections in it.

What I’m saying is that perhaps I have passed judgment on you too early. I made an ASSUMPTION that you believed in a bunch of very silly things, that you were a fundamentalist, which may have been an error on my part. I don’t want to make the same error in assuming you are a moderate Christian, which is why I ask this very important question of you and that you clarify your stance: moderate or fundamentalist, sane or deluded?

Cathy B: Cameron….heres what ill say…Im very SANE and the ppl who blow up planes and kill people as a result are terrorists.

Cameron Newland: So, are you a fundamentalist, or a moderate?

Cameron Newland: It seems that you’re trying to answer that you’re a fundamentalist, but that you are certain that you are sane. I don’t want to read too much into your short answer, though. It’s a mistake (assumption) that I’ve already made.

Cathy B: And you have passed judgement on me too quickly. I assure you of this…. It amazes me that this world was created by God so quickly….and its my FAITH that carries me through the times ive questioned it. Now, there are plenty of things in the Bible that I have yet to learn about and things that I just don’t understand….Ill just have to see where this road of trust, learning and faith in Jesus leads me and while Im at it Ill continue to enjoy the ride Im on called a blessed life:-)

Cameron Newland: But you’ve sidestepped my question: are you a fundamentalist, or a moderate?

(I assure you, I haven’t ultimately passed judgement on you–I will when you answer my question).

Cathy B: Oh….and Ill continue to set my goals and succeed just as I always have before:-)) keeping good attitude along the way while loving and trusting the God Ive come to know:-))

Cameron Newland: Good for you!

Are you a fundamentalist Christian, or a moderate Christian, or neither?

Cameron Newland: I take it by your silence that you believe yourself to be a fundamentalist Christian (please correct me if I’m wrong!)

In my opinion that qualifies you as delusional. I also think that if you had the mental capacity of an average human, you would certainly agree with me.

And I’m so sorry that the educational system in your hometown ([a small town] in the great state of Texas, correct?) was so primitive so as to lead you to delusions instead of toward seeking the truth by humble inquiry. Perhaps your parents/family are to blame for the silly beliefs and schooling had nothing to do with it. I cannot be certain because I don’t know you personally, but either way, I feel very sorry.

I’m glad I got to learn some things about your point of view tonight!

I wish you nothing but the best!

-Cameron Newland

Note: our conversation actually continued after I posted this. Luckily for us, Cathy admitted that she only dabbles in Christian fundamentalism and that she herself thinks certain fundamentalist Christian beliefs are over-the-top and dangerous. I was very happy to hear that Cathy was not in fact a complete fundamentalist, and breathed a sigh of relief.

She then proceeded to lower herself by resorting to an ad hominem attack, calling me an “arrogant ass”, which I thought was quite ironic. Cathy is the one who is so certain of her faith to the point of being arrogant and cocksure. By comparison, my faith in science is quite humble, as it is based on the idea that we do not know everything there is to know and can surely learn much more.